The Golden Rules of Time Travel

I feel I had to do this article because the propagation of Time Travel memes is out of control. Time travel as a medium of travel is loose within the bowels of the populous. And I don't a trust a one of ya.

Not only that, the propagation of horrible time travel etiquette is also out of control which is far more dangerous than the time travel virus itself.

AND Not only that, but people are becoming so familiar with bad time travel and its tropes that they think a movie with barely acceptable time travel is good time travel. And even that barely acceptable is sorely lacking in proper time travel causality.

Lets ask ourselves for a second where do we stand with the flow of time? Do we understand the various theories on it. Or possible mechanism involved in it. No? Hmmm messing with things we haven't even the foggiest notion. Oh sounds like quite a bit of fun doesn't it? (^_^)

Well you are wrong! But when has that ever stopped humans from doing anything? It is said some of the scientists who worked on the first a-bomb thought there was a chance the explosion could ignite the earth’s atmosphere and burn the earth to a crisp.

As history shows they went on with the test anyway.



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Alright then lets ask first. Are you a bad time traveler? Not evil bad, but bad in the sense of a Mark Sanchez-esc football player. Are you a catastrophe waiting to happen?

First lets ask if you are planning on going into the past. Yes? That is bad.

What is your reason for going into the past? Is it something to do with nostolgia over your life? Yes? That is Bad.
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Have you considered the consequences of time travel? No? That is bad.

Are you a selfish person? No? Yet you seek to go into the past? So you lied to yourself. Bad.


Do you have contact protocols? No? Willy Nilly? Yes? You are doubly bad.

Have you researched the time period you are going to? No? Suicidally Bad.


There you go. This is what we are dealing with. Poor material with which to make a universe but one does what one can. This post is not for you I am afraid. Report your address, location, and exact date and time to my to my email terror.and.love@gmail.com. So I can report to the proper authorities. For the rest of us on to the rules!

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As you can see this is a sad state of affairs, this time we find ourselves in. So I decided it was time to get everyone a refresher.  We need to reevaluate where we stand with time travel and time travel etiquette. So to the ….

The Golden Rules of Time Travel.

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1) Do not go into the Past.

This IS thee Golden Rule of Time travel. No one person can properly account for all the avenues of chance that can ruin the entire timestream. Every enormous instance and , the most minute minutiae that can affect proper flow of time. Interrupted it can cause disaster. Pesky little things like you not being born in the first place or your mom and da.

This one rule if followed can save you from over 90% of all damage to the time stream. It can save Yourself, your ancestors, your descendants, your race, your universe even.

(Exceptions):There are only a few exceptions and in that cause done so for the most dire of circumstances.

- It is the last hope of the future of humanity to come into the past to save it. Terminator, 4400, Millenium.

Yes that dire. Your child or father dying, while sad is not a sufficient reason for time travel. We are talking macro like destruction of th earth bad. I dont feel like typing out the moral ramification but just know its not big enough unless its on this scale.

Then of course there are the implications of you effecting the timeline of another race by saving your race. But I will grant certain disposition to saving my people as a whole. Bias I know.

*Sigh* If you happen to find yourself in the past through mischance or wizard or alien device you and your friends tripped on then lets look at the rest of the rules. I am assuming you are not a bad time traveller at this point. A bad time traveller wouldn't have any regard for this blog post anyway.

2) Determine what type of time travel rules does your universe operates under.

So you found yourself in the past. The first thing to get a bearing on your environment. What type of time travel rules does your universe run under?

The Closed Universe or the expanding universe? The closed being a linked and enclosed timeline in which the future can be affected by the past.  Or an expanding verse. One that when differences occur a new universe created and from that point the old one still exists but you cant get back to it?

Is your universe one in which you are innately linked to the one in which you came? For example. Does changes in the timestream affect a person from that time instantly? IF so, best be careful. Unlike back to the future, you fuck up events that lead to your birth, you will never know you fucked up. Ah the joys of a closed universe time travel.  Still even in a closed universe you may be immune to the timeline changes if you aren't in the right time. Or maybe you have a device that keeps you from being affected by instantaneous change, ala Bishop in the X-men TAS.

See how tricky this?

For the expanding timetravel verse. Your problems are a bit less academic. You might be able to fix the things that your presence in the past created but if there have been changes you might be able to get back to your proper exact time, as you remember it. But you will never get back to that same universe. Its forever bared to you.

Best to just accept that now and cope.

Location. This is one of the things nearly all time travel movies fail at. The relation of place to the time period it inhabits.  Unless your machine compensates for rotation of the earth, solar system, drift, and expansion of the universe. Going back in time can strand you in the middle of deep space. DEAD. (Good for me though because it will keep the fucking timestream clean.)

There are ways around it though, like linked machines. One linking to a location in past and future. Or if you are in a space conveyance like the dreaded time offenders of the Star Trek enterprise series of ships.


3) Dont Destroy the future. Aka. If you find yourself in the past always research before moving.

A bit different than number two. Once you figure out or make a guess at how time travel is working in your adventure do as much research as possible to minimize your footprint on the time stream. Also try to correct any damage you have done just by going back into the past in the first place.

Ond oh yes, there will be damage done.

Set up a series of protocols based off of the time travel rules you’ve observed. Make sure you bumping into a bum on the street doesnt destroy time. Or you stepping on a butterfly sinks California of 2010 into the future.

This advice is not only to people trapped in the past but you guys out to save humanity too. Remember just the changes you need to to save humanity, we dont need all kinds of new problems because you told your boy you couldn't resist you have to save the future. Which brings me to our next rule.

4) Do not sleep with anyone!

This mostly falls into the responsibility of the closed time travel universe.

Look I dont care if he is all over you. I dont care if you looked at her wallet. You dont fully know what your damn Grandma and pa did in the past. They had a life before they became had your parents and Grand parents. Who knows who has changed their name or lied about their past.
Also pregnancies have a habit of derailing a chance meeting in New York during the end of WW2 where Grammy met Grampy at the docks.

Sometime you can even enter the dreaded time paradox where you are the mother of your own fucking dad and it had to happen that way. I fear for you because this is one of thee most annoying of all time travel tropes to fall into.  The fucked causality trap.

If you are in an unlinked timestream though and you dont plan on or dont think you are getting back. By all means be an ass. Sex your young dad up all you want to. Completely derail entire family lines and the lines those families influenced. Everything is all fucked anyway right? Ya?

5.) Kill all other time travellers.

This seems a bit harsh. But is entirely necessary. I give you famous words.

“Never suffer a Time Traveller to live” - Abraham Lincoln.

*Wipes tear from eye.* Beautiful words Abe just beautiful.

See other time traveler's, be they meddling aliens from the past, our mutated descendents from the scattering future or evil necromancers from parallel worlds.  They probably have not read this and unless they have fallen into the past by accident, have disobeyed the first rule of time travel. And so forfeit any rights to civility or quarter.  Besides, who knows what they are up to, or the damage they can do.

6) Only safe way to go back in time is within your own life time.

If I cant stop you or dissuade you from going back please at least follow this last rule. Of course it might fuck up my life or me even not existing but by this point at least if you follow this rule you wont have too drastic an effect on the time stream.  Like for instance causing the amendment abolishing slavery to not pass. Or by somehow causing the founding fathers to lose the war of independence.

Some of you boomers are still pretty dangerous though, who knows what any little thing could affect the outcome of World War 2 or the Wars to come. Many died but it has brought us to this place we are here. Try not to meddle too much. I mean sure placing money in your past account seems fine at first, but make sure the money is not out of circulation in the time you are going to. I wouldnt want to find myself in jail. Then you have strange questions being raised in Langley if they figure out your money isnt even supposed to be made yet.

7) Only go into the future.

If you are going to time travel. The best thing to do is travel into the future. No worries about poluting your time stream. No worries about never being born because you threw some gum on the ground while you were watching your Da make out with his first girlfriend.

Ah but what about the future? Don't they have a moral right to not have us pastiens messing up their time stream?

I mean it is rude as shit to go traipsing all over the future. Messing up time for people not even born yet, in relation to yourself. Ah another bag of headache inducing ramifications for the respectable and socially conscious time traveler.  But discussing the nature of things to come and what rights they may or may not have is an argument for another time.

So until next time my friends. And just say NO to time travel if you can.

Dream Log – 04.02.10 - Four Big Dreams or One Colossal One?

This weekend I was gifted with an extraordinary amount of interesting dreams. The one I had Saturday was a big one. Not one or two or three, but four distinct dreams. It was quite a doozy and ran from hyper-real to extremely surreal to abstract.

The High School Investigation

This plunged me into the depths of some sort of high school throw back dream. And of course like any of those dreams. I have the anxiety of waking up lake from school and some how “knowing” that I had missed a lot of school and was failing. I REALLY hate that type of anxiety as it feels real.

Then I realize that I am at the school discussing an investigation I am pursuing with a classmate. As a student mind you. This is the thing of such dreams you know with certainty you are doing the thing, in this case investigation yet the details are simultaneously blurry.

I remember distinctly the white on white walls of the school. Its almost super clinically pristine halls. Devoid of all students

Then some how I remember being chased. And having to duck into a bathroom to escape. Who is chasing me is a mystery, I just know it is hyper urgent to escape. I try to hide in a girls bathroom but I can not stay as the feeling of rejection is so strong so I bail.

I remember entering a closet filled with equipment. I freeze in place site as someone opens the door, and it is almost as if he can see me, some sort of uniformed squat-shaped man. Some how he does see me and chases me, but it is as if I had time to look for an escape. I see a door labeled XXXX (As I usually cant remember the details of letters in my dreams, even though at the time I remember reading and understanding it. I enter the door. And the little room begins to descend.

End of Dream 1

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Resurrecting an Ancient Evil

This is a continuation of the other dream. As I notice I am descending into the depths of the Earth. Trust me the dream always fills in these details in the back of the mind that doesn’t mind.

I realize that my perspective has switched and I am now one of this ancient things Followers. Caught up in a plot to resurrect and ancient evil. One Xanatos of ancient Atlantia. (Which is weird as I seldom remember the names of such things, keeping a dream log has been helping in that regard.)

Now you are asking, how do you know this TL. Look people I remember it because its like having an impression, a knowledge of things you do should not/could not know. But its there. My brain fills in the blanks and It is disconcerting sometimes.

Not sure what/who Xanatos is. I just get the impression of malevolence and fearing to fail it. Image wise I remember traversing down deep rock tunnels with little glowing lights in the ceiling. This lead to a vast chamber, larger than a city maybe. On the floor of this giant cavern is patterns of light and darkness, like someone took the stars in the sky and scattered them on the ground. But in the shape of some large being.

Now it cuts to a college campus, there is panic at this place. Its dark out but you can see a haze in the air. Like cloudy twilight. Then the city is in panic.

Not sure why but then it cuts to a scene of four elements Rushing down a tide to the intersection of one street. A fire torrent, a river, a wind torrent, and a rock slide. The sky is pitch black. Then the four elements collide together at the intersection. A large mountain grows out of the earth at this location. Colossal, like it is bigger than it should be to be in the place that it is.

Down in the depths of the earth Xanatos is going to awaken.

Then I find myself (I am back to myself) wandering through the wilderness to find a path to a castle with a huge skull on it. This is dark, dead tree type wilderness, and the world seems devastated, almost like it was another dream, but there was no transition.

It seems like the castle I am journeying to is movable like on a map, I remember thinking that the castle was too close to the resurrection mountain so I move it on the map with my hand, and I now the location has changed. We cross a large creature. A creature so large its skeleton spans the gap of a large canyon.

I remember thinking, knowing, that in ancient times The Native Americans built this bridge out of defeated great enemy.

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Suddenly it transitions again and I am back to the High School. But this time there is a army of super heroes outside the high school getting ready to go in. I remember getting recruited by them to show the way down into the earth. Then we fight at the school, fighting the minions of Xanatos. But all I remember is them flying, jumping, rushing into the school. I don’t remember much after that but. I do remember there is a huge celebration in the parking lot/city streets. So I assume we won.

Later I get impressions old villains are being resurrected by someone and that the Heroes government agency has been infiltrated by doppelgangers. These villains seemed to be entirely made up by my dream brain. I remember them saying their names but now I can recall them at all.

End Dream 2 (Hey that’s how it ends)

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The Magic Shopping Mart

This one begins with me and my mom at a mysterious grocery store type place. It seems huge! But from the outside and at other times, seems small and tight. It also reminds me a little of the eternal mall from my other dreams.

Also of note, I am a little boy and my mom seems like this angelic creature with an inner glow. And I remember feeling a lot of love for her as we cruised the store. At one point I remember wandering into the toy section. In it is a selection of old toys and really rare games, (That don’t exist) and yet I remember thinking. When I grow up I would like to come back here and buy some of these old gems.

The lighting in the store was low, like barely above candle light. Mist seemed to travel down the hallways. I remember it being kind of high for my little chest. Mom glowed in it though. I remember trying to decide between certain boxes of pizza to put into the grocery cart. It seemed like a VERY important decision. Then we were in the checkout line. And I remember that Ma said she forgot something, and talked about it with the clerk. Ma then left the line and the Clerk directed her over the loudspeaker to go to Isle 7 or 9 to find what she wanted. And the perspective was from over her shoulder as she went, and the announcer directed her exactly to the right place. I remember thinking “Wow, that is a nice server that they do that for their customers”.

Then we exited out into the night.

I really enjoyed this dream. It was good hanging out with Mom as a little boy, and the store was so calm and ghostly.

End Dream 3.

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The Fight for Earth.

This is a weird one. In this an alien armada is approaching the Earth for invasion. I remember that there was a large scramble as the superheroes, militaries, and even villains of the world joined forces to meet this threat. Okay this sounds funny but I distinctly recall the image of Cobra Commander.

I remember our forces being extremely ragtag but it was the only hope we had.

Then the fight begins. But it is in the sky over the battlefield. Ship to ship. With the physical armies arrayed beneath the big ships. Weird weird tactics. I remember our forces engaging and being beaten back to retreat, our ships flee, leaving us on the ground stranded. The enemies advance into us, only to have them destroyed or damaged by the ships I though had left us to fight alone, but had hid in a forest until the aliens passed over them. I remember the ground forces cheering as the enemy army is damaged but then the alien ships above counter attack and badly damage our ships who really flee this time.

At one point it switches to the ranks of enemy troops lined up in battle formation like Roman centurions would do. I remember a slave master alien telling the slaves to prepare to fight and die, or they would be killed. It was a tall creature, with a Root shaped head, and three large spikes sticking out of the top, which I knew oddly were its eyes/sensory organs.

I remember the alien’s slave troops discussing amongst themselves that they didn’t want to fight us. That we fought good and that it would be a good time to betray the aliens and fight for their freedom. One of the rebel leaders had a scheme to get one of the others rebel leaders killed though, and he withheld his forces at the last instant in battle throwing the field into chaos.

Then it was over, the aliens were retreating. I remember looking into the sky and hearing someone say “Now that the American Defense Fleet is here, we actually stand a chance. Let them deal with them.”

Then I looked into the sky and saw their Professional looking, Powerful, and Organized space fleet, against a backdrop of stars. It looked mighty impressive indeed and I felt relief at last. Especially as I had been feeling like this was the end of the world, and everything was grim, until the Reinforcements came and I felt there was hope

End Dream 4.

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As you can see, it was a very entertaining night of dreams. Writing down the dreams has greatly increased my recall when trying to reproduce the memories. One step closer to Lucid Dreaming!!

Till next time mates!!!!